Because of this, my hubby and I would get asked (and still get asked) often, “How did you do it?! How did you get her to be so polite?!” I never can refer to our *ahem* immaculate parenting skills because, come on, as much as we try, we’re not perfect parents. And though our little sweetheart is a genuine sweetheart, this wasn’t something she came out of the womb knowing to do. So where did it come from?
Well, I’ll tell you. She emulates us.
From the time she was born to this very day, we’ve always treated her with respect and kindness. Even while she was an infant (unless it was something that could hurt her), we would never just yank something out of her grasp. Nope. Mommy or Daddy would extend their hand and say, “May I have that, please? Thank you.” When we want her to do something, we try to refrain from making demands. Instead, we say, “Can you pick up your toys, please? Thank you.” We do this because, though she is our child, she is still a person who deserves courtesy and respect. Even in the instances where we have to take something away without a “please” or “thank you” because it might be dangerous, we explain to her why we are taking it away. Not only is this respectful of her, but it is an opportunity to convey to her how much we love her:
“I’m taking this away because I don’t want you to swallow it, okay? If you swallow it, you might get choked and it would hurt you very badly. I don’t want that to happen because I love you so much. Do you understand?”
“Don’t do that, you might cut yourself. If you cut yourself, Mommy will have to take you to the hospital and that would make Mommy very sad, okay? I love you and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
I’ll be the first to admit that our girl has made parenting relatively a breeze for us. She’s a very good, obedient and sweet girl, but I know every child is different; some children may not be as receptive to being reasoned with, or having routine niceties imposed on them - but that doesn’t mean they should be exempt from it. Maybe you just have to find a different method than the one I apply, but either way, I would highly encourage you to lead your child to better manners (or whatever it may be) by being their example. Behaviorally, most of what a child learns, they learn - whether consciously or subconsciously - from their parents. There are certain phrases or reactions my daughter uses when she is sad or frustrated that she has observed us using. There’s nothing wrong with this; this is a very natural occurrence in a child’s development, unless it’s an unhealthy response they’re mimicking, such as shouting, cursing, being destructive, or something of the like.
Extenuating factors aside, the key to changing your child’s behavior is simple: focus on fixing your own first. Those little ears that hear every word, little eyes that watch your every move, will soon move their little feet on the new path you forge for them. Not only will you soon be getting asked, “How did you do it?!” you’ll find your relationship with your child strengthened.
Give it a try. What have you got to lose? Right? :)
