Stop Tolerating the Intolerable

As most of you know, working in the public doesn't come without challenge. There are many parts of my job I enjoy, there are others that I just don't like at all. A big part of my responsibilities include collections. While it is true that I knew what I was getting into when I took on the job, that doesn't mean it comes without thorns. This week in particular I have dealt with two repossession situations and neither have been easy, but both have made me think. I find myself reflecting on the lies that are told and the harsh words that are said and I wonder why they flow so easily from some mouths. In the past. I have always just said, “I am glad my mama taught me better” or more simply “how disrespectful”, but today a new reality hit me.

I work in a small office and we try to stay on the same page so that no one is blindsided when dealing with a particular customer or situation.While relaying a conversation I had with a customer which involved my being called a very inappropriate name, I was told not to take it to heart. But, I think that is actually the problem. We have become so tolerant of being called names and spoken to with little to no respect that it has just become “the norm” and it shouldn't be. By tolerating bad behavior we are accepting bad behavior and with acceptance comes mass reproduction.

I for one am tired of the hate and anger that has become so widely spread. My heart hurts for children who are growing up in a world where they aren't encouraged and lifted up by strangers and loved ones alike. I am saddened by the lack of love shown in a smiling face while passing someone on the street. These things have been replaced by judgement and bullying, by whispering and eye rolling. These are not the things that our nation was built on. These are the very things that are crumbling our foundations. Our families, our churches, our schools and our nation are all suffering and it starts in the heart of each of us. It is time that we all do our part. Start holding each other accountable. Stop tolerating the intolerable. Start taking things personally and then do something about it. It is time that we mend our foundations and build strong families and communities again. It is time we make a difference!

Share with us the difference you are making!

I Agree to Disagree, do you Agree?

I have to say, that election years are a tough time to live in a social media fueled world! Everyday when I log into Facebook I am prepared to see a lot of angry and hateful posts. Like most people, my Facebook friends are a very diverse group, some from grade school, some from college, some are past and present coworkers and others are family. The majority of these people are not a part of my “inner circle” so to speak. I don't see or talk to them daily, it is just nice to know they are there and to keep up with the highlights (and lowlights) they choose to share with the world. Now, with that being said, it is safe to say that I am not on the same page with all of these people. We are not necessarily members of the same political party, nor do we all share the same beliefs or morals but in one way or another, I share some kind of connection with each of these people. A few weeks back Stephanie wrote about how it is okay to not be friends with someone on Facebook and I agree wholeheartedly with that; but I also know that you don't have to agree with each person that you do choose to be friends with.

Since I am originally from East TN, VOLS football is a common denominator between most folks there. It is assumed that if you are from Knoxville, that you bleed orange! But, occasionally, you run across that Gator lovin' East Tennessean and you make a choice. Do you automatically dislike them because of their choice, or do you choose to agree to disagree? Now, I am not saying there won't always be that friendly rivalry and banter exchanged, but most of the time, we can choose to disagree without sacrificing the relationship.

So, why can't we do the same thing with politics? There is no cut and dry answer. No wrong or right answer. Believe me, I wish there was. We all have different convictions and different reasons for why we choose the candidate we choose. Just as we all have a reason our loyalties lie with one sports team over another. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to downplay the importance of choosing the right Presidential Candidate for yourself. I know that a lot more is on the line in that decision than choosing who to root for on Saturday. But what I am doing is asking you to not be so harsh towards others for making their own choice. After all, that is what America is built on.

You ever heard the phrase, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”? Well, that is one of those Southern Sayings that our momma's have always told us and I think that it really just boils down to the Golden Rule and loving others. You sure wouldn't want anyone to treat you poorly because of what you believe, no matter what that is, so why do you find it acceptable to do it to others? Not to mention, the best way to win anyone over to your side, is through kindness. No one wants to be on the same team as a hateful unaccepting person.

So, here is my challenge, agree to disagree. Love each other anyway. Encourage each other. Pray for each other. Open your eyes, your mind and most importantly your heart. See things from the other side of the fence. If someone was to base your character solely on your behavior related to the Presidential Election, what kind of legacy would you be leaving behind? One of love? Or one of hate and anger? Think on that for a while. Maybe it is time we all just agree to disagree, don't you agree?

Give Love

Valentines Day is right around the corner,  which got me thinking about a very powerful four letter word... Love. I think this simple word is so common place that we forget how powerful it really is. Love,  one four letter word has the power to change the world. Dr. Martian Luther King, Jr. said it best,

 "Darkness cannot drive out darkness;

only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate;

only love can do that."

Its no secret that the world we live in can be a dark one full of hurt and pain, but what if I told you that we have the power to change that. Would you?  I know it seems far fetched and even crazy, but what if we chose to give love?  What if everyday we showered those around us with pure unconditional love? What if we chose to be the change, to be the light in the darkness? I know it sounds daunting but I is so simple. That is the best part about love, although it is so powerful at its core Love is simply the unselfish concern for the well being of another. Now take a minute to warp your brain around the simplicity of it all. You can make a difference. You can change the world, and all it takes is Love. All you need to do is care about those around you. We can all do that. Now imagine it; a world were everyone shows just a little more compassion, just a little more love. Think of all the possibility that that one little word holds.Now don't worry, I am not going to simply paint an idealistic picture for you. I am going to provide you with practical ways to spread love daily. I am going to help you choose love everyday. 

What does it look at to love everyday, to unselfishly show concern for your fellow man? It looks like making bags for the homeless full of food and hygiene items. It looks like taking the coats that your child has outgrown to a local shelter or their school so a child in need can have protection from the cold. Love is donating food to your local food pantry or volunteering at your local food bank or soup kitchen. Love is buying an extra box of girl scout cookie and sending it to a soldier overseas. Love is visiting a nursing home and passing out handmade cards. Love is putting a note in your child's lunch box or your spouses that simply says I see you and your amazing. Love is bringing a meal to the family who is struggling because they lost a job. Love is bringing doughnuts and coffee to the nurses at your local hospital. Love is leaving toiletries and gift cards for coffee in the waiting room of the trauma unit.  Love is doing something for someone else because they need it, not because you want to look good or feel obligated to do it. Love is unconditional, it never says I will do this for you, but only if you do this for me. Love simply says I see you; I see all of you, the good and the bad, and I still care. 

 I challenge you to take some time this week to reflect on Love. I mean to really think about it, what it feels like, what it looks like, how powerful it is, and then I challenge you to make the decision to love. I challenge you to love unconditionally and everyday. Bake some cookies and drop them by the police station, drop off blankets to the shelter, invite that homeless man you pass every Sunday on your way home from church to lunch. We are presented with opportunities everyday to chose love and change the world, or at least a small part of it. I challenge you to seize those opportunities. Things will not get better unless we become proactive, we must be the change we wish to see in the world.

Teaching Manners In A Mannerless World

From her earliest days of toddlerhood, my husband and I have always gotten compliments on our daughter’s manners. She’s always been generally well-behaved, but there’s very little credit that my husband and I can claim for that; it’s just her nature. But saying “please” and “thank you” isn’t something that comes naturally for...well, any of us.

Because of this, my hubby and I would get asked (and still get asked) often, “How did you do it?! How did you get her to be so polite?!” I never can refer to our *ahem* immaculate parenting skills because, come on, as much as we try, we’re not perfect parents. And though our little sweetheart is a genuine sweetheart, this wasn’t something she came out of the womb knowing to do. So where did it come from?

Well, I’ll tell you. She emulates us.

From the time she was born to this very day, we’ve always treated her with respect and kindness. Even while she was an infant (unless it was something that could hurt her), we would never just yank something out of her grasp. Nope. Mommy or Daddy would extend their hand and say, “May I have that, please? Thank you.” When we want her to do something, we try to refrain from making demands. Instead, we say, “Can you pick up your toys, please? Thank you.” We do this because, though she is our child, she is still a person who deserves courtesy and respect. Even in the instances where we have to take something away without a “please” or “thank you” because it might be dangerous, we explain to her why we are taking it away. Not only is this respectful of her, but it is an opportunity to convey to her how much we love her:

“I’m taking this away because I don’t want you to swallow it, okay? If you swallow it, you might get choked and it would hurt you very badly. I don’t want that to happen because I love you so much. Do you understand?”

“Don’t do that, you might cut yourself. If you cut yourself, Mommy will have to take you to the hospital and that would make Mommy very sad, okay? I love you and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

I’ll be the first to admit that our girl has made parenting relatively a breeze for us. She’s a very good, obedient and sweet girl, but I know every child is different; some children may not be as receptive to being reasoned with, or having routine niceties imposed on them - but that doesn’t mean they should be exempt from it. Maybe you just have to find a different method than the one I apply, but either way, I would highly encourage you to lead your child to better manners (or whatever it may be) by being their example. Behaviorally, most of what a child learns, they learn - whether consciously or subconsciously - from their parents. There are certain phrases or reactions my daughter uses when she is sad or frustrated that she has observed us using. There’s nothing wrong with this; this is a very natural occurrence in a child’s development, unless it’s an unhealthy response they’re mimicking, such as shouting, cursing, being destructive, or something of the like.

Extenuating factors aside, the key to changing your child’s behavior is simple: focus on fixing your own first. Those little ears that hear every word, little eyes that watch your every move, will soon move their little feet on the new path you forge for them. Not only will you soon be getting asked, “How did you do it?!” you’ll find your relationship with your child strengthened.

Give it a try. What have you got to lose? Right? :)