Review: Me Before You

I am so excited that we have decided to do book reviews each month, for several reasons! One, is that I love that all three of us adore books and can colaborate on a post together! Another is that I am not the one choosing the books that we are reading, so it is pushing me a little out of my reading comfort zone.

It seems as though I read the same type of books one right after the other! It is one of those things that I love and hate about being a Kindle reader. Once I finish a book, there is always a “suggested read” for something that is fairly similar to the book I just finished. So, I was excited to be challenged to read something entirely different from my norm. Now, with that being said, I wasn't so sure about reading a book set in modern day times. I am generally drawn to historical fiction and I think that is partly because reading is my escape. Some people are TV watchers or movie buffs but I am a book worm. So, when I want to escape “the real world”, I read. When I started this book and learned that it was set in modern day times, I didn't exactly get excited. But, I kept my mind open. And I dove right in. Once I started, I just absolutely couldn't put it down! I really can't say the last time I was this enthralled in a book. (Don't tell my boss, but I actually contemplated calling in sick so that I could stay home and read.)

Here are a few things I think you should know about Me Before You by JoJo Moyes

One of my favorite things about this book was the character development. I genuinely felt like I knew each of them. Every character played such an important role. Just like in my life, the people I come in contact with daily have an impact of my choices and even more so, my thoughts.

This book was so full of emotion. I felt every bit of it. I was full of compassion and anger and guilt right along side of the characters. I cried. I laughed. I held my breathe waiting for the outcome. Definitely have your tissues handy! Probably not the best book to read in your local coffee shop, unless you are a pretty crier.

Another major thing that this book offers is modern day controversy. The basis of this book is very controversial, it even says that in the story, but it offers an inside look. There is no cramming ideas down your throat or harsh tones. It just uses a persons everyday life to show you, that not all choices are black and white. Not everything is an easy choice to make. We always think we know what we will do until we are actually faced with the hard reality. I know I took a lot away from it.

Probably my favorite thing is that just when my minds starts to wonder what is going on inside the head of another character, I turn the page to see a chapter written from their perspective! I LOVE that! In real life I am always curious how a situation looks to someone else, and I find myself searching for that same perspective in a book. I love knowing what the minor characters are ACTUALLY thinking, instead of how the main character perceives their thinking.

I am very anxious to see the film adaptation in just a few months and I am sure we will share our perspectives on that as well! I also plan to read the sequel, AfterYou, but I haven't started it yet! I hope you enjoy this book as much as I do! We would love to hear your feedback!

So I recently finished reading Me Before You, by Jojo Moyes, This is a book that I had put on my 2016 reading list only because I knew it was going to be adapted to film.  I have a rule when it comes to books and movies, always read the book before seeing any movie based on it. It is a good thing that I put this book on my list before ever actually laying eyes on the book. I am a huge judger of book covers (yes I know what they say, never judge a book by its cover) I can't help myself, and this book's cover screamed boring to me.

In this case what they say was true and you should never judge a book by its cover. This book quickly earned a spot on my favorite books of all time list. Once I began reading I couldn't stop. This book was an amazing read that made me fall in love with the characters and feel things that I have never felt from a book. This book in all of its breathtaking beauty changed me, and I can't say that for many books I have read. To risk any spoilers all I will say is that this book will change how you look at the world and life's hard decisions, it will show you that the world is not black and white but rather in technicolor.  After reading this book you might also change how you live your life. 

Also if you love this book you must read After You. 

Louisa Clark is an unassuming, eccentrically-dressed young woman who finds herself unemployed. After answering an ad to be caregiver to a quadriplegic, a job that is outside her comfort zone, she meets Will Traynor. A former adrenaline junkie, Will struggles to come to terms with the frail state of his body and being dependent on those around him for everything. When Louisa discovers the truth about why she’s there, she takes on an undertaking that will change her life and Will’s forever.

If I had seen Me Before You while out book-shopping, I probably would have skimmed over it. I probably have skimmed over it. The cover is unobtrusive and generally, I lean more toward historical fiction and historical non-fiction. If only I’d realized what a treasure lies between the covers. I was pleasantly surprised with how much I loved this book. I would easily consider it one of my favorite Realistic Fiction novels. I never wanted to put it down, but when I did, I was left thinking about it until I could get back to it.

What I liked:

The character development was phenomenal. A novel is only as good as its characters, and well-developed characters should hop off the page. Between Will’s tendency for sarcasm and Louisa’s fashion sense, these characters did just that. I love books that provoke a real, physical reaction out of me. There were times I laughed out loud while reading Me Before You, and times I bawled my eyes out. This novel takes a situation most of us would pretend not to notice out in public and puts a face on it. It addresses an uncomfortable subject with raw emotion, paints a picture for us of the person at the center, as well as the friends and family who strive to keep them hanging on. This was a very “real” novel with no contrived dialogue or situations. I truly loved it.

What I didn’t like:

Honestly, I can’t think of anything I didn’t like. The writing was engaging, the characters were well-defined, the storyline was good. I loved it. It does have a bittersweet ending for those who prefer commercial fiction (where everything resolves happily and there’s even a little bow on top), but I would not criticize it for that. As a writer (and I’m sure many readers feel this way, as well), I have an appreciation for and a need for both happy endings and bittersweet ones.

Teaching Manners In A Mannerless World

From her earliest days of toddlerhood, my husband and I have always gotten compliments on our daughter’s manners. She’s always been generally well-behaved, but there’s very little credit that my husband and I can claim for that; it’s just her nature. But saying “please” and “thank you” isn’t something that comes naturally for...well, any of us.

Because of this, my hubby and I would get asked (and still get asked) often, “How did you do it?! How did you get her to be so polite?!” I never can refer to our *ahem* immaculate parenting skills because, come on, as much as we try, we’re not perfect parents. And though our little sweetheart is a genuine sweetheart, this wasn’t something she came out of the womb knowing to do. So where did it come from?

Well, I’ll tell you. She emulates us.

From the time she was born to this very day, we’ve always treated her with respect and kindness. Even while she was an infant (unless it was something that could hurt her), we would never just yank something out of her grasp. Nope. Mommy or Daddy would extend their hand and say, “May I have that, please? Thank you.” When we want her to do something, we try to refrain from making demands. Instead, we say, “Can you pick up your toys, please? Thank you.” We do this because, though she is our child, she is still a person who deserves courtesy and respect. Even in the instances where we have to take something away without a “please” or “thank you” because it might be dangerous, we explain to her why we are taking it away. Not only is this respectful of her, but it is an opportunity to convey to her how much we love her:

“I’m taking this away because I don’t want you to swallow it, okay? If you swallow it, you might get choked and it would hurt you very badly. I don’t want that to happen because I love you so much. Do you understand?”

“Don’t do that, you might cut yourself. If you cut yourself, Mommy will have to take you to the hospital and that would make Mommy very sad, okay? I love you and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

I’ll be the first to admit that our girl has made parenting relatively a breeze for us. She’s a very good, obedient and sweet girl, but I know every child is different; some children may not be as receptive to being reasoned with, or having routine niceties imposed on them - but that doesn’t mean they should be exempt from it. Maybe you just have to find a different method than the one I apply, but either way, I would highly encourage you to lead your child to better manners (or whatever it may be) by being their example. Behaviorally, most of what a child learns, they learn - whether consciously or subconsciously - from their parents. There are certain phrases or reactions my daughter uses when she is sad or frustrated that she has observed us using. There’s nothing wrong with this; this is a very natural occurrence in a child’s development, unless it’s an unhealthy response they’re mimicking, such as shouting, cursing, being destructive, or something of the like.

Extenuating factors aside, the key to changing your child’s behavior is simple: focus on fixing your own first. Those little ears that hear every word, little eyes that watch your every move, will soon move their little feet on the new path you forge for them. Not only will you soon be getting asked, “How did you do it?!” you’ll find your relationship with your child strengthened.

Give it a try. What have you got to lose? Right? :)

Why Knowing Your Myers-Briggs Type Can Make You A Happier Person

Have you ever met someone who, though you both may be good people, it just feels like you’re eternally on different wavelengths? Have you ever been accused of being too sensitive, or too hyper, or too daydreamy, or too commanding, as if these were inadequate qualities to have? Have you ever felt different from everyone else in a way you couldn’t explain? Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, your motives or your train of thought are misunderstood? Have you ever cared too much on the inside? Have you ever not shown that you care enough from the outside?

Regardless of how you answered the above, I know how you feel. For most of my childhood, I felt completely misunderstood. There have been words friends, family or strangers used to describe me that I wrestled with for years, because I knew they just. weren’t. true.

"You’re too quiet."

"You’re selfish."

"You’re too sensitive."

"You’re too slow."

"You’re airheaded."

"You’re stuck-up."

I’m sure there are misguided words people have used to describe you, too; words that you just couldn’t identify with, no matter how accurate they appeared to be. In my case, I understood—sometimes—why people would perceive me in certain ways, but I would drive myself crazy because I knew they were flat-out wrong. Growing up—and even into adulthood—there were very few people who I felt “got” me; I could count those people on one hand. That’s not to say I was loved by only a handful of people. I know plenty of people who genuinely love and care about me. But being loved and being understood can be two different things. By the time I was in college, I just accepted that I was different without knowing or even asking myself why. What I often did ask myself, though, was why I couldn’t be more like someone else. I saw so many of the qualities that made me different—qualities that were either misinterpreted or deemed as inferior by others—and tried to hide them, frustrated with myself, because it was like forcing a square peg into a round hole.

And then, I discovered the MBTI: the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator takes C.G. Jung’s psychological theories and puts them into an applicable form by implementing them into sixteen different personality types.

Ask my friends. I’m obsessed with the MBTI. OBSESSED, which is actually symptomatic of my personality type (INFJ). Discovering my “type” changed my life. As an author, it’s been invaluable in helping me better develop my characters. As a person, I’ve found it’s helped enrich my relationships. Heck, it’s helped me understand strangers. It also explained why I’ve felt so misunderstood through the years.

Let me explain to you why you NEED to know your own personality type, and why it would be beneficial to become familiar with all the other types as well.

WHY IT MAKES YOU A BETTER PARENT:

Every child has their quirks and their strengths. As a parent, I’ve already acknowledged both of these things in my daughter, but the MBTI has helped me understand why she feels the need to do things a certain way. The why is very important. I see that she is not necessarily shy, she’s introverted (I). She is very observant and has to grow accustomed to people and her surroundings before taking any kind of action (N). She generally is very concerned and aware of how other people feel and how they might perceive her (F). And lastly, she seems to make the connection between cause and effect—her actions and the possible resulting consequences (J). So, though I’m not an expert, I believe as of right now, she’s an INFJ, but she is still little enough to where this could very well change in the future. For now, though, since we share the same personality type, I have a little more insight into her personality than I might otherwise. My husband, being an INFx himself, also understands her why. xNxx (intuitive) Children raised by xSxx (sensory) parents (and vice versa) often grow up feeling misunderstood or unappreciated, because both process thoughts differently. This is one reason why being aware of your type and your child’s type is essential; it could very well explain why you have a “good” parent and a “good” child who can never seem to get along.

Another reason it’s imperative to know your child’s personality type is because in some types, there’s a tendency to be misconstrued as a behavioral disorder (ADHD, ADD) when in fact, it’s simply who the child is; it’s how they view the world around them and how they react to it. In addition to this, by knowing your child’s personality type, you will find it easier to pinpoint why they may struggle in certain areas. This will enable you to address those problematic areas specifically, allowing your child to flourish as they learn and live.

WHY IT MAKES YOU A BETTER SPOUSE:

I often tell people that I’m an ounce of prevention and my husband is a pound of cure. That is how we both subconsciously make decisions and view the future. I’m the one who is thinking ahead and seeing every possible disaster, while my husband generally deals with disaster as it comes. For many years, I saw this as a character flaw (as he did mine) and we both struggled with understanding why the other planned too far ahead or didn’t plan ahead at all. Discovering his personality type helped me to not only understand his thought processes, but to embrace them. It helped me to see that it was more than “that’s just the way he is” but to understand why. As a result, I have much more patience for this aspect of his personality than I did before.

I also no longer take the stance of “I’m right for thinking ahead when you didn’t.” Though I still believe one should consider consequences to either action or inaction, sometimes in certain scenarios, this overwhelms me to the point where I get extremely stressed out and high-strung, anticipating how everything could go wrong. That’s when my husband will hit the pause button on the situation and say, “Why are you freaking out? It’s okay. We have the whole day for this. There’s no deadline. We’re good.”

I’m very fortunate in that my hubby and I almost have the same personality type (INFJ/INFP). We’ve always gotten along extremely well with very few hitches. This may be different for married types who are almost or completely different, but knowing what your types are can help you adapt and appreciate each other more.

WHY IT MAKES YOU A BETTER CO-WORKER AND EMPLOYEE:

Jane is controlling and bossy. Laura is never in a hurry and not very assertive. Both get their jobs done, but both get frustrated with the other’s methods. Sound familiar?

Jane is most likely an xSTx personality type; Laura is probably an xNFx type. Neither of them are wrong, they’re just different. Being familiar with the MBTI can help you recognize traits in certain types and value or understand your coworkers and friends better. Jane appears controlling because she sees a problem that needs to be fixed and instinctively pursues the most efficient way to solve it. Laura is unhurried because she is thorough and wants to ensure that her job is done correctly. Being able to acknowledge the differences in perspective could potentially diffuse confrontational circumstances and empower you to see the complementing strengths in your counterparts. Someone with an xxFx type is likely a better people person, while someone with a xxTx type is likely a better problem solver.

In an intense situation, Laura is probably more likely to show empathy/sympathy and make the other person feel heard and understood, while Jane is more likely to present a solid plan to resolve the issue. Both are “right” because both are necessary.

WHY IT MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON:

If all of the above isn’t enough to convince you of why you should learn your personality type, allow me to make one last hurrah. One of the most profound changes I experienced upon discovering my personality type—and perhaps the most important—was self-acceptance. I no longer look at some of my less-celebrated qualities and think with a sigh, “That’s just the way I am.” Learning my type has allowed me to embrace both the strengths and weaknesses of my personality. It’s given me confidence in my specific abilities, while allowing me to acknowledge my growth areas with humility. Learning about my personality type has definitely made me a happier, more empathetic person.

Take note, though. The MBTI is not to be rigidly adhered to. Though you may find similarities in people who share your personality type, we all grow up in different households with different environments, experiences, and values. Having a general—if not thorough—knowledge of the MBTI types can be indispensable, but it should definitely not be used to reproach someone for behaving or thinking outside the boundaries of their personality type. It’s also important to note that people with mental illnesses may not appear to belong to any one specific category.

Again, I urge you to take the test and discover your personality type and what it means. It could become as invaluable to you as it has become to me, whether its discovering a career you will thrive in, improving relationships, or just plain learning to love the unique, remarkable person that you are.

The Working Mom's Secret to Working Out

I hate working out.

Seriously, I do. Like most modern women, I have a full-time job, a husband, a child, responsibilities at home, and a passion that I pray might just evolve into a full-time career someday. Being a helpful wife and the best mom I can be (while inundating both my husband and kid with love and wet kisses) is my top priority, but I still have my own individual pursuits, too. I’m an author. After my family, my writing is the next biggest priority. It’s something I will not yield on. If I couldn’t write, I know I’d not only lose a part of myself, but I’d go out of my mind. (My head is like the island on Lost; if I don’t release the energy up there every so often, things get scary). During the week, my writing time is already reduced to just a couple hours. I get home, change clothes, maybe grab something to eat, let the dog out, play with my daughter, and talk to my husband. Depending on the day, that only gives me 2-4 hours to write. That may seem like a lot of time, but to an author, it’s not. Not all of that time is spent actually writing; some of it is spent doing necessary research or thinking. That time runs up fast. I hate working out because, at the end of my eight-hour work day, I want to relax, spend time with my family, and write my novels.

Lightstock

Every woman knows your entire life philosophy changes when the kids come along. Those things that used to be a priority—make-up, hair styling...heck, sometimes even showers—just don’t take precedence over an itty bitty who needs to be fed, bathed, cuddled, and looked after every second of the day. Then, there’s the clothes that need to be folded, dishes that need to be washed, kid-crumbs that need to be vacuumed, husbands that need assistance (don’t laugh ladies; we need his help sometimes, too). We blame our flabby bellies and mermaid thighs on the burger and french fries (or in my case, pizza) that were easier to run out and get than the time and the energy it takes to cook something ourselves. Sometimes, I apologize to my husband because he’ll come home to find me in sweats, my hair in a bun, and not a stitch of make-up on my face. I just felt like I didn’t have time. There’s just not enough time in the day for working out, especially when you hate it.

But you know what else I hate? I hate that sweats are the only thing I feel comfortable in.

I hate feeling self-conscious when I go out, all the worst parts of my body emphasized in pants that I can barely squeeze into anymore and shirts that seem to have shrunk.

I hate that there are clothes I love hanging in my closet that I haven’t worn in years.

I hate that while I feel confident in many things, my body is not one of them.

Recently, I had a life-changing revelation: I don’t hate working out at all. I actually love working out. I love being able to see the shape of my waist changing. I love being able to feel the hard muscles starting to emerge underneath there. I love feeling the strength and stability in my legs that I didn’t have before. My arms are stronger. My face is slimming. I’ll be honest with you, though; I’m only on my fourth week and have lost only five pounds. No one else can see a big difference yet, but I can. The difference to me is so substantial that I’m quietly waiting to see if my friends and family notice the changes in another four weeks. I know I’m still going to be doing this in four weeks because I discovered the secret to following through. Do you want to know what it is? It’s going to be earth-shattering. It just might blow your mind, actually. Ready?

I stopped making weight loss the purpose for my workouts.

Why? Because the numbers on the scale are dropping at a turtle-like pace, and when I weigh those numbers with the time I’m sacrificing to exercise, it’s just not worth it.

But five pounds is not at all a reflection of how hard I’m working. I know this, because there are these awesome things called oblique muscles that I can feel in my sides now. I’m constantly tensing my hamstrings (thighs) just because I can’t believe they’re no longer mushy; they’re becoming rock-solid. My endurance increases with each workout session, and it’s not even a conscious effort I make to push myself a little harder anymore. I’m just curious about how much farther I can take it.

But that’s not how I started! I’m a total homebody; a couch-potato! My first week of doing T-25 (the first half of my personal daily workout routine), my goal was not to keep up with the people on the screen (I still can’t!). I just wanted to get through the workout.

I probably overdo it, (I can be a bit of an overachiever in some things—probably the effect of being the daughter of two Marines). After doing T-25, I top it off with Pilates (because I LOVE Pilates and it always gives me swift results, and after that, I do 10-20 minutes of hamstring stretches and hip-opener stretches because I feel like tight hamstrings hinder my workouts).

But I don’t want any of you to read this and be discouraged from making some healthier, happier changes in your life. I made this hour/hour and half commitment because it works for me. There’s a certain taboo about being self-absorbed (and for good reason), but when it comes to working out, you should only be thinking about yourself. Don’t compare yourself to those fit people leading you on the screen. Don’t compare yourself to the models in your Victoria’s Secret catalogs. Don’t compare yourself to your favorite actress, or that girl at the gym. What can you do? What can you make time for?

You could commit to running in place for two minutes once a day. You could commit to doing just five sit-ups, or jumping jacks, or lunges once a day. You could commit to doing at least two good push-ups once a day. You and I both know you can do at least one of these things.

Anyone will tell you that that’s not enough—and they’re right, you’re not going to get a slim waist and toned arms and legs by doing so little—but that’s not the point. Not yet, anyway. All that matters is that you are DOING SOMETHING. This kind of thing snowballs. A month and a half ago, I would have told you you were crazy if you expected me to sacrifice an hour and a half of my day to working out. But I started doing the minimum, and the little differences I noticed made me push my body even farther.

Isn’t the time you give up worth it if you can fit into your clothes again? Isn’t it worth it to feel your body getting stronger? Isn’t it worth it to feel confident and happy in your body for once, or once more? I’m still nowhere close to where I want to be, but because of the changes I can already see in the work I’m putting in, my confidence is soaring.

I see now it wasn’t the workouts I hated; it was just the time they took up. So now, I’m learning to make each minute of my day count. (It helps, too, that my husband began doing the work outs with me, and now our little daughter joins in with us. We’ve made exercising a family affair!) This is a way of thinking that you can apply to everything, not just daily workouts. Even with my writing, I take what I can get during the day. Those minutes are precious and sometimes few, so I make sure they are rich with effort.

You can do this, too. Now, drop and give me twenty!

Or two. Just...whatever you can do.