People Over Projects

Hey y'all! You may or may not have noticed that I missed out on posting last week. Working in the car selling business means LONG hours this time of year and I was stretched so thin that I was pretty much translucent! It was just one of those weeks that I can't say I am particularly proud of how I balanced everything, or should I say my lack of balancing everything! But, I did learn something from it, and that is what I am going to share with you today!

So, I am completely and totally one of those people who HAS to stay busy! I love to learn new things and be a part of anything I feel is worthwhile. I am a “project” kind of girl. I set goals for myself every year of new things I want to learn to do and I pick up new hobbies in between; needless to say, there is always something going on in my world. I think that most people would get very lost in the maze that is inside my head. Really, it is a”maze”ing! (bad joke, I know, I couldn't help it!) Well, anyway, last year I learned to knit,the year before I took on refinishing furniture and this year I plan to learn to quilt. I am sure there will be more on that later. But my point is, I tend to load my plate as though I am at an all you can eat buffet and my eyes are most definitely bigger than my belly! Some days this just makes me feel so defeated that I actually break down in tears. I want to be able to do everything and do it well and it just isn't possible. Something is ALWAYS forced to the back burner. And more often than not it is people. The sad reality tied to that is, in the end, people are all that matter.

The only thing I can figure is that, whether conscientiously or sub-conscientiously, we push people out of the way because people will understand. Your best friend understands if you can't do lunch because you just absolutely have to get caught up on laundry. Your husband understands if you work late and he has to eat dinner alone. Your kids understand if you can't take them to the park because there just isn't enough time. But, I am here to tell you. MAKE TIME. At the end of the day, there is NOTHING more important than those relationships. You are who you are because of these people and the person that you will be in ten years will be a direct result of the choices you make now.

Like I said earlier, last week was HARD for me. I spent nearly every night working late and I spent no time at all on my relationships. The most communication I had were a few measly text messages in moments I stole throughout my day. I didn't cook dinner, I didn't get to learn about his day, nor he mine. And I missed him. The man I live with was there and I wasn't. And so here I was, February 13^th late at night and I still have nothing planned for Valentine's Day which was a few short hours away. I had been thinking all day about what I could buy as a gift, or something I could plan, with very limited time and resources (I live in a small town and they roll up the streets about 9pm, even on a Saturday.) and I was drawing a blank. I had finally decided that at the very least, I needed to buy a card. So, I went to my local conveniently located Family Dollar Store and bought a card and a few other little things to add to a basket of goodies. While I was in there I decided to head to the video store and rent a movie, yes, we still have a video store and it is AMAZING! Then, like a brick wall, it hit me! What I really needed to do was give my time. This loving man that chose me to spend his life with deserves my attention. He deserves my UNDIVIDED attention!

So, instead of facing the mounds of laundry and pile of dirty dishes and all the other things that I “needed” to take care of on my day off, I suggested that we get in the car and just drive. See where we end up, visit a town we have never been to and just enjoy being together. This is honestly one of our favorite things to do and we don't take the time to do it near enough. We landed in a small town and ate at a little restaurant called Barrelhouse Pizza (FANTASTIC by the way) and it was honestly one of the best days I have had in a long time! No chaos, no interruptions. Just me and him.

This week I have still had to work late, but I have taken the time to focus on more than how tired I am and the million things on my to do list when I get home at night. I have invested my time and attention into people more than all my projects and I am NOT sorry for that.  

Facebook Is Free For Everyone, But Your Personal Page Is Your Right And Everyone Else’s Privilege.

Someday, I’m going to be able to tell my grandchildren that I was using Facebook when it was still exclusive to college students.

That girl who sat next to you on the first day of classes—can we say study buddy or future BFF? Friend her! That cute guy across the classroom? Friend him! (It’s not weird! After all, we’re in the same class and I only friended him so I could ask about assignments...aaaand hoped he might see that I’m cute and fun, too!) Smart guy or gal in the class? Friend ‘em! They might prove helpful later. Funny guy or gal in class? Friend ‘em! I could use daily humor to break up the monotony of my long, studious days.

Facebook was great in the beginning, because it was limited to college students. It was a fantastic way to connect with people in your classes; to share assignment information; to commiserate on deadlines and all-nighters; to get plugged into social collegiate activities. I remember Facebook feeling “cool” back then because—not only was it was exclusive—there was absolutely zero drama. It was just a bunch of twenty-somethings finding virtual companionship as they stumbled through four-plus years of sleepless, caffeine-fueled nights, cramming more information into their already full-to-bursting brains.

But alas, all good things must come to an end, and in September 2006, anyone aged 13 and up with a valid email address could create a Facebook page.

Don’t ask me why—I couldn’t tell you even if you did—but I vividly remember getting online that day to see this significant change in Facebook’s policies. This was great for Facebook because it was growth; an indicator of its immense success as a forerunner of social media (and let’s face it, if Facebook hadn’t done it, somebody else would have). But the second I realized anyone—family and old friends—could join, Facebook’s mystique began to fade.

It killed Facebook’s professional atmosphere and began feeling like an overcrowded party with every person you’ve ever met in your entire life. That girl who spread rumors about you in high school sent you a friend request; you could either ignore it, risking her posting passive-aggressive statuses like, “Once a b*tch, always a b*tch” that someone would later screenshot and send to you, or you could accept her request just to keep from causing a petty, unnecessary conflict. Getting friend requests from cute guys in your classes was exciting because it meant he’d noticed you, but it became creepy when guys you said, “Excuse me,” to in the grocery store started sending you friend requests. Having parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents call you up over some gossip they heard about you is endurable, but now you’re getting angry messages with screenshots of a facetious remark or photo you shared. Or, you have relatives firing back with passive-aggressive statuses that are just vague enough so that when you ask them about it, they can slyly say, “Oh, it wasn’t about you.” Meanwhile, they’re getting self-satisfaction out of the fact that it was about you and that you saw it. You’re getting into heated discourses with the weird kid in high school you had absolutely nothing in common with even back then; neither of you care about the other’s opinions or feelings, you’re just battling it out with no other purpose in mind but to out “Gotcha!” the other.

We’re all guilty of one or all of these. Facebook has enabled us to become both the bully and the victim of misinterpretations. Like most of you, I’m a nice person. I try to do what’s right, both morally and legally. But I once had a serious wake-up call with just how unhealthy Facebook had become. I posted a status a few years ago—a political status posted while I was angry—that I came to regret. Not because I was necessarily wrong in how I felt, but looking back, it was inflammatory and resulted in a bombardment of angry comments that I wasn’t expecting. This infuriated me further because two of the people who attacked me over it had FOR YEARS made posts insulting to my faith. They were unrelentingly critical of people with my political leanings, and not once had I invaded their personal pages to tell them why I thought they were wrong. But here they were, attacking me on my own page. Another guy posted a “Gotcha!” comment on my post before promptly unfriending me for my opinion. I’ll never forget what I thought when I saw he’d actually unfriended me: “Who was that guy?”

And that was when I knew Facebook—for me—had gotten out of hand.

It had gotten to the point where I dreaded getting on Facebook because all it did was make me angry. I’d friended/accepted friend requests from people I’d gone to daycare with—elementary, middle and high school with. I had friended friends of friends, people I knew only because one of my real friends had mentioned their name in a conversation once. I realized I had two choices: Leave Facebook, or create an online environment that would allow me to flourish while keeping me accountable for my words.

So, I cleaned house.

I went from 600+ friends to 80. I got rid of people I’d never actually been friends with in real life. I got rid of people I found too closed-minded and unapologetically provoking; this applied to both people with beliefs similar to mine, and people with beliefs in opposition of mine. I got rid of people who offered nothing of substance but passive-aggressive drama. I even got rid of people I actually liked simply because I hadn’t seen or spoken to them in real life for years. As a result, Facebook became a place of positivity and growth for me. I didn’t just keep Facebook friends who thought like me so I could keep myself in a safe, little bubble. No. The majority of people (there are a few exceptions) I kept as friends met the criteria below:

1: They are kind.

2: I can learn something from them.

3: We have good conversations often.

4: We are close and they have a knowledge of the real me, or at least, they did at one time.

Facebook is free for everyone, but your personal page is your right and everyone else’s privilege.

Let me rephrase this so it’s understood from both perspectives: It’s not your right to be “friended” by someone on Facebook; it’s a privilege extended to you by that person, allowing you a window into their life. I don’t care if it’s a stranger on the street (though I do hope you aren’t friending strangers...) or a relative; if they are not kind, if they are not contributing anything of substance to your life, if they abuse the privilege of being your friend on Facebook, UNFRIEND THEM. Some people will handle this better than others, but there’s something rather taboo about unfriending someone. That’s because we live in a selfish, entitled society and most people believe just because they exist, you should tolerate them. While everyone has a right to exist, you DO NOT have to tolerate them, especially when they’re abusing the privilege of being allowed a peek into your life.

WHAT DOES AN ABUSED PRIVILEGE LOOK LIKE?

I’m glad you asked. Someone who abuses the privilege of being your Facebook friend is someone who polices your posts, scolding you (whether outright or out of a self-righteous attempt to correct you). It’s someone who sends you screenshots of your own genuinely innocent posts, asking you to explain them. It’s someone who often—or even just sometimes—posts passive-aggressive statuses about you, knowing you’ll see it. It’s someone who uses your posts as fodder for gossip or to wreak havoc in your friendships or relationships. These types of people unequivocally DO NOT DESERVE access to your life through Facebook, and you do not deserve the emotional turmoil they inflict on you. Unfriend them. I know I sound ruthless (and if you ask anyone who knows me, they’ll tell you I’m anything but), but I think it’s because—paradoxically—I stopped taking Facebook so personally. I don’t take offense when someone unfriends me (whether I agree with the reasons they do it or not) because that’s their right. After my massive Facebook purge, you better believe I had a few people confront me face to face (or in private messages I didn’t see because private messages are hidden from me due to my privacy settings). I told them the truth: “I was miserable on Facebook and decided to make it a little more private. No offense. Sorry.” What could they do? Send me another request and force my finger to hit the “Accept” button?

I’ve also had to explain to abusers of the privilege of being my Facebook friend why they were unfriended:

“Because you caused problems in my other relationships.”

“Because you want to passive-aggressively insult me or correct me without talking to me about what it is that upset you.”

“Because it’s causing too many problems between us.”

Unfriending someone doesn’t have to be permanent; having the privilege of being someone’s Facebook friend can be earned back—as long as you prove you can be a real friend in real life. Because being Facebook friends doesn’t have to be permanent, either.

The complete loss or deterioration of friendships used to be normal. It used to be a sign of growing up. Facebook—though it’s not necessarily a bad thing in the right hands—has altered this fact of life. It’s great to see how old friends are doing, and being able to keep in touch with relatives across the country every single day, but in order for Facebook not to become a burden, we still must have boundaries. Unfriending someone—when done for the right reasons—isn’t about disrespecting the other person; it’s about having respect for yourself. It’s about demanding respect from someone who gives you none, and when they repeatedly encroach on your emotional, physical or mental wellbeing, there needs to be consequences.

Your page is your right and no one else’s, the same as your life. And anyone who makes you feel guilty for standing up for yourself shouldn’t be allowed on your page, anyway. If there’s only one thing you walk away with after reading this article, I hope it’s that. 

Give Love

Valentines Day is right around the corner,  which got me thinking about a very powerful four letter word... Love. I think this simple word is so common place that we forget how powerful it really is. Love,  one four letter word has the power to change the world. Dr. Martian Luther King, Jr. said it best,

 "Darkness cannot drive out darkness;

only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate;

only love can do that."

Its no secret that the world we live in can be a dark one full of hurt and pain, but what if I told you that we have the power to change that. Would you?  I know it seems far fetched and even crazy, but what if we chose to give love?  What if everyday we showered those around us with pure unconditional love? What if we chose to be the change, to be the light in the darkness? I know it sounds daunting but I is so simple. That is the best part about love, although it is so powerful at its core Love is simply the unselfish concern for the well being of another. Now take a minute to warp your brain around the simplicity of it all. You can make a difference. You can change the world, and all it takes is Love. All you need to do is care about those around you. We can all do that. Now imagine it; a world were everyone shows just a little more compassion, just a little more love. Think of all the possibility that that one little word holds.Now don't worry, I am not going to simply paint an idealistic picture for you. I am going to provide you with practical ways to spread love daily. I am going to help you choose love everyday. 

What does it look at to love everyday, to unselfishly show concern for your fellow man? It looks like making bags for the homeless full of food and hygiene items. It looks like taking the coats that your child has outgrown to a local shelter or their school so a child in need can have protection from the cold. Love is donating food to your local food pantry or volunteering at your local food bank or soup kitchen. Love is buying an extra box of girl scout cookie and sending it to a soldier overseas. Love is visiting a nursing home and passing out handmade cards. Love is putting a note in your child's lunch box or your spouses that simply says I see you and your amazing. Love is bringing a meal to the family who is struggling because they lost a job. Love is bringing doughnuts and coffee to the nurses at your local hospital. Love is leaving toiletries and gift cards for coffee in the waiting room of the trauma unit.  Love is doing something for someone else because they need it, not because you want to look good or feel obligated to do it. Love is unconditional, it never says I will do this for you, but only if you do this for me. Love simply says I see you; I see all of you, the good and the bad, and I still care. 

 I challenge you to take some time this week to reflect on Love. I mean to really think about it, what it feels like, what it looks like, how powerful it is, and then I challenge you to make the decision to love. I challenge you to love unconditionally and everyday. Bake some cookies and drop them by the police station, drop off blankets to the shelter, invite that homeless man you pass every Sunday on your way home from church to lunch. We are presented with opportunities everyday to chose love and change the world, or at least a small part of it. I challenge you to seize those opportunities. Things will not get better unless we become proactive, we must be the change we wish to see in the world.

Teaching Manners In A Mannerless World

From her earliest days of toddlerhood, my husband and I have always gotten compliments on our daughter’s manners. She’s always been generally well-behaved, but there’s very little credit that my husband and I can claim for that; it’s just her nature. But saying “please” and “thank you” isn’t something that comes naturally for...well, any of us.

Because of this, my hubby and I would get asked (and still get asked) often, “How did you do it?! How did you get her to be so polite?!” I never can refer to our *ahem* immaculate parenting skills because, come on, as much as we try, we’re not perfect parents. And though our little sweetheart is a genuine sweetheart, this wasn’t something she came out of the womb knowing to do. So where did it come from?

Well, I’ll tell you. She emulates us.

From the time she was born to this very day, we’ve always treated her with respect and kindness. Even while she was an infant (unless it was something that could hurt her), we would never just yank something out of her grasp. Nope. Mommy or Daddy would extend their hand and say, “May I have that, please? Thank you.” When we want her to do something, we try to refrain from making demands. Instead, we say, “Can you pick up your toys, please? Thank you.” We do this because, though she is our child, she is still a person who deserves courtesy and respect. Even in the instances where we have to take something away without a “please” or “thank you” because it might be dangerous, we explain to her why we are taking it away. Not only is this respectful of her, but it is an opportunity to convey to her how much we love her:

“I’m taking this away because I don’t want you to swallow it, okay? If you swallow it, you might get choked and it would hurt you very badly. I don’t want that to happen because I love you so much. Do you understand?”

“Don’t do that, you might cut yourself. If you cut yourself, Mommy will have to take you to the hospital and that would make Mommy very sad, okay? I love you and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

I’ll be the first to admit that our girl has made parenting relatively a breeze for us. She’s a very good, obedient and sweet girl, but I know every child is different; some children may not be as receptive to being reasoned with, or having routine niceties imposed on them - but that doesn’t mean they should be exempt from it. Maybe you just have to find a different method than the one I apply, but either way, I would highly encourage you to lead your child to better manners (or whatever it may be) by being their example. Behaviorally, most of what a child learns, they learn - whether consciously or subconsciously - from their parents. There are certain phrases or reactions my daughter uses when she is sad or frustrated that she has observed us using. There’s nothing wrong with this; this is a very natural occurrence in a child’s development, unless it’s an unhealthy response they’re mimicking, such as shouting, cursing, being destructive, or something of the like.

Extenuating factors aside, the key to changing your child’s behavior is simple: focus on fixing your own first. Those little ears that hear every word, little eyes that watch your every move, will soon move their little feet on the new path you forge for them. Not only will you soon be getting asked, “How did you do it?!” you’ll find your relationship with your child strengthened.

Give it a try. What have you got to lose? Right? :)

Keep Dancing!

Hey Y'all! I hope everyone has had a great week! It sure has been a long week for me! This time of year gets a little tough in my world, things at work are super busy, plus I start to get a little cabin

fever (the cold weather and I aren't friends) and overall life just gets to me a little.

While I would never wish I cloudy day on a single soul, I do know we all have those days...weeks...months...even years (though I certainly hope not!). So, please, allow me to share with you what I find helps lead me back to the sunshine!

Have a chat with your “person”. Who is this “person” you ask? Well, for me, my “person” is that friend that has seen me at my absolute worst! Like, haven't showered in a week, hair such a mess that you think it would be easier to just shave it off and start all over kind of worst (I mean this both literally and as an emotional metaphor) Yet, she still chooses not to judge me. Partly because she is a rare and amazing human but mostly because the train(wreck) runs both ways! This is the same friend that will ALWAYS tell the truth. Though it isn't always easy, someone has to be willing to say “that part of the 80's is NOT making a comeback” and “you absolutely CANNOT name your child after an inanimate object no matter how ingenious you may think it is right now”. On the flip side, this same friend is also my biggest cheerleader, (short skirt and pom poms included) the one person who will keep encouraging me to push the limits, the person who is always in my corner Okay, have you figured out who your “person” is now? Great! Now, repeat after me “Okay Google. Call (insert “person”'s name here).” or “Siri, call (insert “person”'s name here). Android and Iphone respectively, of course!
Take a hot bath! To me, there is NOTHING better on a cold night, after a long day, than a hot bubble bath! I grab a book and my drink of choice (tea, coffee, wine) and lock the door behind me because it is time for an adult time out! I have heard that hot baths have a lot of benefits, both mentally and physically, making it a WIN WIN! You get a break and all your anxiety washes right down the drain!

Do something just for YOU! I often feel guilty for indulging in something that is just for me. I am constantly worried about taking care of everyone else and making sure they are happy while only forgetting about myself. I find myself always trying to justify my purchases, assuring myself that they are things that I NEED. Well, I am working on realizing that it is okay, every once in a while, to buy something just because I want it. Occasionally, it should be ALL ABOUT ME! I work hard and deserve to treat myself to something nice! So, schedule a pedicure, buy some new shoes, have a night on the town, just remember to take the time to do what makes you HAPPY!

Keep Dancing! The most important thing I have to do when life is kicking my butt is to fight back!

“When others try to get your tutu into a twist....Just twirl around and keep dancing” - Jane Lee Logan

I read that quote earlier and I was reminded that things happen to us all, but how we choose to face those things is what sets us apart. We can't let life knock us down!

What do y'all say? Shall we dance?

What was I thinking?

Six months ago my family and I set out on a new adventure, we opened our home and our hearts to a new four footed friend.  Back in August, we started the process to bring an adorable Great Dane puppy into our lives. After weeks of searching we finally found the perfect baby, a European Blue  Great Dane. Next, came the waiting game. We waited for weeks. Finally, he was old enough to come home and our life would never be the same.

We named our beautiful boy Ares. We figured a dog like him deserved a powerful name. We should have known we were in for a wild ride when at 8 weeks old he already weighed 20 pounds. He continued to grow like a weed and at just four months old he was tipping the scale at 70 pounds, which is 20 pounds more than an average lab puppy weighs at six months.

The last 4 months have been filled with triumphs and tribulations, as well as just the craziness that comes with having a 70 pound puppy in the house.  We have gone through more dog food then I imagined possible. He eats around 3 pounds of food each day.  He is also on a grain free high protein diet to ensure proper growth (our food of choice is Blue Wilderness Large Breed Puppy), which means we spend a pretty penny each month on feeding him. Like most puppies his age he is a chewer, but because he is so big he is able to do more damage than most puppies. To date he has destroyed his temperpedic bed, at least 100 rolls of toilet paper, several toys (dog and child alike), the arm of a leather sofa, countless leaves, a vanity drawer, the edge of a coffee table, countless sippy cups, and he has even helped remove wall paper from the bathroom walls.  Although the chewing is frustrating I keep reminding myself this too shall pass, he is just a puppy and this is just a phase.

 Some days I find myself wondering what was I thinking bringing this massive baby into our already chaotic life but then this sweet gentle giant lays his heavy head in my lap (it is the only part of his body that will remotely fit into my lap anymore), nozzles me with his cold wet nose, and all the stress from that day melts away as he warms my heart.

 “A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won’t be too bad.”

—Robert Wagner

Homegrown Hairstyles for Littles

Growing up, my attempts at hairstyling were never worth a pat on the back. By the time I was in high school, I’d embraced the fact that my baby-fine hair just wasn’t able to do what everyone else’s could do.

But hairstyling is just like everything else. It just takes practice. It also takes finding what products work for you and your hair best. But that’s an article for another day.

What helped me get comfortable with mastering new hairstyles and actually making them look halfway decent had nothing to do with me; it happened when my daughter came along. As her wispy blonde hair began to grow, I got bored with the standard pigtails or ponytail on top of the head. Thankfully, my little one has always been cooperative, even since birth, and I began experimenting with the hair she had. At 25, I’d never figured out how to French braid, and even though I had little to work with on my daughter’s head at first, I soon figured it out. This led from one thing to another, and now I’m quite obsessed with putting her hair up in cute styles I find. Today, I’m going to share with you one of my favorites.

I love this one because it’s sweet, it’s girly, but it also has an elegant, old-fashioned look to it. See?

If you’re not familiar with doing hair, this may look intimidating; impossible even. I know. But it’s really not. Trust me, if I can do this, anyone can. If you are like I was and you really don’t know anything about styling hair, I’d suggest grabbing a kid (hopefully your own—I have no tips on explaining yourself out of grabbing someone else’s), your sister, or a friend, and just playing with their hair until you get the hang of a regular braid. Progress to figuring out how to do a French braid, then maybe a Dutch braid, and so on. From personal experience, that is the best way to learn. (My little sister runs from me now when I say, “Come here, I want to try something with your hair,” because of this).

For the style above, though, first, I split her hair down the middle, tying one side into a pigtail to keep it out of the way. Then, I braided a Dutch braid down the first side. (A Dutch braid is different from a French braid; it looks as if it’s sitting on top of the hair instead of woven into it. With a French braid, you braid three strands—one on top of the other—once, before taking strands from the rest of the head and adding to each of the original strands as you go. A Dutch braid is the same concept, but you braid the strands under one another instead).

With Dutch braids down both sides of her head, I then braided a regular braid the rest of the way down (think Laura Ingalls Wilder). After securing it with a clear rubber band, I left enough hanging at the bottom for the next step.

Gripping the very last braid in the hair—the area of hair just above the rubber band—you tug it at the sides, spreading out the slack all the way up to the very top of the head. This is a great tip for making your braids look fuller, which is why I always leave extra, loose hair at the end of my ties.

Next (and this looks much prettier with the last step), you simply fold the part of the braids that are hanging down at the base of the skull, pinning it into place with bobby pins. (On yourself, use regular bobby pins, but if you’re wanting to do this for a child, it would be wise to invest in kiddie bobby pins. I’ve come to find regular bobby pins aren’t usually effective in securing my daughter’s hair since it’s so fine).

I’m sure professional hairdressers could stop at this point and angels would sing and onlookers would “Ooh!” and “Aah!” as if a lost painting of Da Vinci had been unveiled, but in my case, I feel the bobby pins are distracting and there are still pieces of hair that I just can’t figure out how to hide. My solution? A big, pretty bow. No one sees the imperfections underneath anymore.

And it looks adorable. <3

Post pictures below if you’ve tried this hairstyle! I’d love to see them!