Have you ever met someone who, though you both may be good people, it just feels like you’re eternally on different wavelengths? Have you ever been accused of being too sensitive, or too hyper, or too daydreamy, or too commanding, as if these were inadequate qualities to have? Have you ever felt different from everyone else in a way you couldn’t explain? Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, your motives or your train of thought are misunderstood? Have you ever cared too much on the inside? Have you ever not shown that you care enough from the outside?
Regardless of how you answered the above, I know how you feel. For most of my childhood, I felt completely misunderstood. There have been words friends, family or strangers used to describe me that I wrestled with for years, because I knew they just. weren’t. true.
"You’re too quiet."
"You’re selfish."
"You’re too sensitive."
"You’re too slow."
"You’re airheaded."
"You’re stuck-up."
I’m sure there are misguided words people have used to describe you, too; words that you just couldn’t identify with, no matter how accurate they appeared to be. In my case, I understood—sometimes—why people would perceive me in certain ways, but I would drive myself crazy because I knew they were flat-out wrong. Growing up—and even into adulthood—there were very few people who I felt “got” me; I could count those people on one hand. That’s not to say I was loved by only a handful of people. I know plenty of people who genuinely love and care about me. But being loved and being understood can be two different things. By the time I was in college, I just accepted that I was different without knowing or even asking myself why. What I often did ask myself, though, was why I couldn’t be more like someone else. I saw so many of the qualities that made me different—qualities that were either misinterpreted or deemed as inferior by others—and tried to hide them, frustrated with myself, because it was like forcing a square peg into a round hole.
And then, I discovered the MBTI: the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator takes C.G. Jung’s psychological theories and puts them into an applicable form by implementing them into sixteen different personality types.
Ask my friends. I’m obsessed with the MBTI. OBSESSED, which is actually symptomatic of my personality type (INFJ). Discovering my “type” changed my life. As an author, it’s been invaluable in helping me better develop my characters. As a person, I’ve found it’s helped enrich my relationships. Heck, it’s helped me understand strangers. It also explained why I’ve felt so misunderstood through the years.
Let me explain to you why you NEED to know your own personality type, and why it would be beneficial to become familiar with all the other types as well.
WHY IT MAKES YOU A BETTER PARENT:
Every child has their quirks and their strengths. As a parent, I’ve already acknowledged both of these things in my daughter, but the MBTI has helped me understand why she feels the need to do things a certain way. The why is very important. I see that she is not necessarily shy, she’s introverted (I). She is very observant and has to grow accustomed to people and her surroundings before taking any kind of action (N). She generally is very concerned and aware of how other people feel and how they might perceive her (F). And lastly, she seems to make the connection between cause and effect—her actions and the possible resulting consequences (J). So, though I’m not an expert, I believe as of right now, she’s an INFJ, but she is still little enough to where this could very well change in the future. For now, though, since we share the same personality type, I have a little more insight into her personality than I might otherwise. My husband, being an INFx himself, also understands her why. xNxx (intuitive) Children raised by xSxx (sensory) parents (and vice versa) often grow up feeling misunderstood or unappreciated, because both process thoughts differently. This is one reason why being aware of your type and your child’s type is essential; it could very well explain why you have a “good” parent and a “good” child who can never seem to get along.
Another reason it’s imperative to know your child’s personality type is because in some types, there’s a tendency to be misconstrued as a behavioral disorder (ADHD, ADD) when in fact, it’s simply who the child is; it’s how they view the world around them and how they react to it. In addition to this, by knowing your child’s personality type, you will find it easier to pinpoint why they may struggle in certain areas. This will enable you to address those problematic areas specifically, allowing your child to flourish as they learn and live.
WHY IT MAKES YOU A BETTER SPOUSE:
I often tell people that I’m an ounce of prevention and my husband is a pound of cure. That is how we both subconsciously make decisions and view the future. I’m the one who is thinking ahead and seeing every possible disaster, while my husband generally deals with disaster as it comes. For many years, I saw this as a character flaw (as he did mine) and we both struggled with understanding why the other planned too far ahead or didn’t plan ahead at all. Discovering his personality type helped me to not only understand his thought processes, but to embrace them. It helped me to see that it was more than “that’s just the way he is” but to understand why. As a result, I have much more patience for this aspect of his personality than I did before.
I also no longer take the stance of “I’m right for thinking ahead when you didn’t.” Though I still believe one should consider consequences to either action or inaction, sometimes in certain scenarios, this overwhelms me to the point where I get extremely stressed out and high-strung, anticipating how everything could go wrong. That’s when my husband will hit the pause button on the situation and say, “Why are you freaking out? It’s okay. We have the whole day for this. There’s no deadline. We’re good.”
I’m very fortunate in that my hubby and I almost have the same personality type (INFJ/INFP). We’ve always gotten along extremely well with very few hitches. This may be different for married types who are almost or completely different, but knowing what your types are can help you adapt and appreciate each other more.
WHY IT MAKES YOU A BETTER CO-WORKER AND EMPLOYEE:
Jane is controlling and bossy. Laura is never in a hurry and not very assertive. Both get their jobs done, but both get frustrated with the other’s methods. Sound familiar?
Jane is most likely an xSTx personality type; Laura is probably an xNFx type. Neither of them are wrong, they’re just different. Being familiar with the MBTI can help you recognize traits in certain types and value or understand your coworkers and friends better. Jane appears controlling because she sees a problem that needs to be fixed and instinctively pursues the most efficient way to solve it. Laura is unhurried because she is thorough and wants to ensure that her job is done correctly. Being able to acknowledge the differences in perspective could potentially diffuse confrontational circumstances and empower you to see the complementing strengths in your counterparts. Someone with an xxFx type is likely a better people person, while someone with a xxTx type is likely a better problem solver.
In an intense situation, Laura is probably more likely to show empathy/sympathy and make the other person feel heard and understood, while Jane is more likely to present a solid plan to resolve the issue. Both are “right” because both are necessary.
WHY IT MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON:
If all of the above isn’t enough to convince you of why you should learn your personality type, allow me to make one last hurrah. One of the most profound changes I experienced upon discovering my personality type—and perhaps the most important—was self-acceptance. I no longer look at some of my less-celebrated qualities and think with a sigh, “That’s just the way I am.” Learning my type has allowed me to embrace both the strengths and weaknesses of my personality. It’s given me confidence in my specific abilities, while allowing me to acknowledge my growth areas with humility. Learning about my personality type has definitely made me a happier, more empathetic person.
Take note, though. The MBTI is not to be rigidly adhered to. Though you may find similarities in people who share your personality type, we all grow up in different households with different environments, experiences, and values. Having a general—if not thorough—knowledge of the MBTI types can be indispensable, but it should definitely not be used to reproach someone for behaving or thinking outside the boundaries of their personality type. It’s also important to note that people with mental illnesses may not appear to belong to any one specific category.
Again, I urge you to take the test and discover your personality type and what it means. It could become as invaluable to you as it has become to me, whether its discovering a career you will thrive in, improving relationships, or just plain learning to love the unique, remarkable person that you are.
